


Promise Me

by bangandzelo



Category: B.A.P
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-17
Updated: 2018-09-17
Packaged: 2019-07-13 17:22:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,653
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16022492
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bangandzelo/pseuds/bangandzelo
Summary: "Can you just promise me right here, right now..."





	Promise Me

Daehyun closed his eyes, zoning out from the chatter of his friends. He'd met up with them in the hope of maybe forgetting all the stress and pain the world was currently causing him. It wasn't helping much despite his friends’ effort. All he could think about was the 'what ifs' and about his members. He felt his heart sink lower when he thought back to the conversation he'd had with Jongup. The younger member had told him Himchan hadn't been around much – he was spending most of his time at his parents’ house and Youngjae wasn't coming out of his room often.

“ _Is he eating at all?”_  Daehyun had asked, worry filling his voice when he thought back to the last time he'd seen his fellow vocalist. He was awfully thin... really thin.

There was silence on the other end before Jongup answered.  _“I honestly don't know. I try to invite him out but you know him...”_  Yes, it was really difficult to get Youngjae to leave his home, especially during difficult times – the younger vocalist preferred to deal with things alone. Still, Daehyun decided to send him a text message.  _Youngjae, do you want to go have dinner with me?_ He'd be lying if he said he hadn't felt a little nervous sending that. They'd both agreed that it was time to start moving on, to start distancing themselves from each other because no matter what the world would never accept them. It was crucial now more than ever before that they be careful.

The two had ended things with each other so many times – to the point where the other members would just roll their eyes whenever they saw the two trying to distance from each other. Yongguk had even come to them simply to tell them to ' _be careful but be happy.'_ because he couldn't stand to see how miserable they both became during their break up periods. They wanted to be happy, they wanted to be together but they were so terrified. Every time they'd start to get comfortable, something would happen that would make them remember exactly why they needed to end it, to hide away and live a  _'normal'_  heterosexual life. It was scary, really scary.

Still, Youngjae was his best friend and one of his members. There wasn't anything wrong with just having dinner with him. He wasn't surprised when Youngjae finally replied with  _sorry, not really hungry tonight... maybe later?_ It took everything within Daehyun not to push it further – to basically demand Youngjae go to dinner with him. But, he knew Youngjae. That would only make Youngjae push him further away. Daehyun picked up his phone and sent a quick text message to Himchan, asking how the older man was doing before putting his phone down on his thigh.

Daehyun sat in silence, looking between his friends as they chatted. They tried a couple of times to pull him into their conversation but the man felt mute, unable to say more than a word or two. His phone vibrated against his thigh and he looked down, fully expecting it to be a message back from Himchan but to his surprise it was Youngjae.

_ Did you eat dinner yet?  _ Daehyun's fingers hovered over the keyboard for a moment before he shook his head. Typical Youngjae – suddenly changing his mind at the last minute. He understood Youngjae though, it wasn't something the younger man did intentionally. It was just him battling his anxiety and own mind, finally feeling brave enough to face whatever it was he feared – be it Daehyun himself or the world. The singer quickly typed  _no, why?_

_ Do you still want to eat somewhere with me? It’s okay if not, sorry for changing my mind so suddenly. _

His heart rate sped up a little bit at the thought of being alone with Youngjae. It'd been a long time since it was just the two of them. He shook the thoughts out of his head. He was just meeting up with his best friend, that's all.  _You don't have to apologize lol_ Daehyun answered, hitting send before standing up. “Sorry, I'm gonna ditch you guys.” He said and when they looked at him in concern he smiled sheepishly. “Nothing is wrong.” The singer explained. “Youngjae wants to meet up.” He reached for his wallet, starting to pull out cash to cover his part of the meal but his friends shooed him away as they told him not to worry about it.

Daehyun slipped on his mask, his face towards the ground as he walked towards his car. It wasn't abnormal for him to hide his face, to not want to be seen but it was just different right now. There was a lot of fear. Would things be taken out of context? Would people gossip he was having a good time and didn't care about the state his group was currently in? It was so terrifying because even if he wasn't doing anything wrong, even though he was currently being eaten alive by his fears – anything could be taken out of context and used against him, against his group. Right as he got inside his car, Youngjae sent him another message asking where he'd like to meet. The singer quickly hit call, tapping his fingers against the steering wheel of his car as he waited for the younger man to pick up.

“Hey.” Youngjae's soft voice finally answered.

Daehyun tried to calm his racing heartbeat. After all these years, even just Youngjae's voice could turn him into a nervous idiot. “Hey, Youngjae. Are you home?” The younger answered  _yes_ and he continued. “I'll pick you up if you want. I'm not too far from you, about ten minutes or so.”

“Okay. That sounds good.” Daehyun couldn't help but notice how tired the younger man sounded but he wasn't sure he sounded much different. “See you in a little bit.”

\- - - - - - -

Youngjae took in a deep breath, sitting down on the couch in the living room of the apartment that he shared with Jongup and Himchan. His gaze immediately went towards the setting sun, sadness filling him to his very core. It felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders, threatening to pull him under. “Hey-” Jongup's voice broke him out of his thoughts. The older man held back a grimace at the obvious concern on the younger man's face. “Have you eaten?” He asked.

“Me and Daehyun are going out.” He answered. “To dinner.” Youngjae quickly added. “Do you want to come too?”

Jongup stared at him for a moment before shaking his head  _no._ “I've already got plans.” He said and Youngjae held himself back from calling the younger man a liar, knowing full and well that the only plans Jongup had tonight was staying in and watching TV. But, there was a part of him thankful to the dancer. Youngjae really just wanted to spend some time with Daehyun, even if he refused to openly admit that. His phone vibrated with a message from Daehyun, letting him know he was there and no rush if he wasn't ready yet.

_ I'm ready, I'll be down in a minute.  _ Youngjae quickly replied, getting up and grabbing his favorite pair of shoes. “Have a good night.” Jongup said as he sat down on the couch. The older man glanced over his shoulders and nodded his head. “I mean it. Just try... and forget about everything for a little bit.”

“I don't think that's possible.” Youngjae answered honestly.

“I know.” The dancer gave a sad smile. “But, just try.”

The older gave a small nod before heading out and going down to the street where Daehyun was waiting for him. His swallowed nervously, reminding himself that there wasn't really anything to be nervous about. Daehyun was just his friend – his best friend, his fellow lead vocalist. That's all. He didn't need to be nervous. Youngjae spotted Daehyun's car and he quickly hurried over to it, immediately going to the passengers seat and getting inside.

The two men met eyes and then there was silence as they stared at each other, both examining the others face. Youngjae was the first one to break the eye contact. “Thanks for picking me up.” He said, reaching for the seat belt and facing forward.

“No problem. Where do you want to go?” He asked.

Youngjae was silent for a moment. “I don't know.” He answered, his voice quiet. “Somewhere quiet, somewhere we won't be seen at...”

Daehyun began brainstorming, trying to think of a place where he and Youngjae could safely eat at. Finally, he grabbed his phone sending a message to one of his friends – asking if his restaurant was busy or not. His friend replied almost immediately, answering that no one was there,  _why?_ “I'm gonna ask my friend if he'll close up early tonight for us.”

“The bistro friend?” Youngjae asked. “You don't have to, I really hate for him to close just for-” 

“It's okay.” Daehyun cut him off, giving him a small smile. “They're not busy right now.” His friend sent a quick  _of course_ and Daehyun thanked him, letting him know they'd be there soon before pulling out onto the road. He watched from the corner of his eye as Youngjae immediately leaned forward, messing with the stereo synced to his phone. His lips twitched upwards, so happy to see such a familiar and welcome sight as the younger man skipped through his playlist before settling on a song they both loved.

The rest of the drive was silent. There was an obvious heaviness in the air, both wanting to say something but neither knowing what to say – but, it was still comfortable. They felt safe, comforted sitting beside each other in the car as their favorite songs played.  _I need you._ Their thoughts were the same but neither said it.

\- - - - - - -

Youngjae felt both thankful and apologetic to Daehyun's friend. The restaurant had been closed up just for them, the curtain drawn giving them the privacy they both needed. He'd been so welcoming, immediately pulling them both in and telling them to just pretend he wasn't there as he cooked the food they ordered. The two men sat facing each other, their faces glowing from the lit candle on the table.

“I sent Himchan a text.” Daehyun finally spoke, glancing at his phone. “Just asking if he was okay...He hasn't replied yet though.”

The younger man nodded his head, chewing at his lower lip. “I sent him one this morning. He told me he's hanging in.” Daehyun let out a long sigh, shaking his head. This wasn't the way things were supposed to go. Everything was supposed to be so different right now...

“... I hate this so fucking much, Daehyun.” Youngjae admitted, his voice just barely above a whisper.

“Me too.” Daehyun said without any hesitation. It felt like they were trapped in a nightmare that just kept getting worse and worse. When would things get better? Would they ever get better? For the first time, neither of them knew the answer to that. There had always been some kind of hope, some kind of light but now the only thing they could see was darkness. It was terrifying, utterly terrifying. Daehyun's friend sat the food he'd cooked for them onto the table, telling them to enjoy before going back behind the bar, sitting down and distracting himself with his phone to give the two privacy.

Daehyun watched for a moment as Youngjae picked at his food, immediately recognizing just how difficult it was right now for the younger man to eat. “Hey.” He called out, the younger looking at him in question. “Stop picking. You have to eat properly, okay?”

Youngjae let out a long sigh but he didn't say anything for a while. “It's good. It's really good, it's just... I feel like I'll choke if I eat lately.”

“I know.” The older man's heart felt like it was going to tear. “You won't, though...” He knew that wasn't comforting. “But, if you do – I know the heimlich maneuver.” When Youngjae let out a soft laugh at that his own lips twitched upwards, glad the younger had taken it as a joke just like he'd intended.

“Thanks.” Youngjae shook his head, finally forcing himself to take a bite of the burger. Daehyun tried not to stare, not to watch as the younger man slowly chewed because he didn't want to make him feel even more anxious. The rest of their meal was quiet as they listened to the music filling the bistro. Both of their eyes went towards Daehyun's phone as it vibrated against the wooden table.

“Himchan.” Daehyun murmured as he quickly opened the message. “ _I'm surviving. How are you?”_ He read out loud.  _I'm okay. I'm with Youngjae right now._

_ Good.  _ Himchan replied.  _Take care of each other._ Daehyun swallowed hard after reading it out loud for Youngjae, suddenly feeling like he was going to cry. He looked up and met eyes with Youngjae, realizing it wasn't just him. The younger singer was about to cry too. He blinked back his own tears, telling himself he needed to be strong for Youngjae right now, just like how Youngjae was always strong for him when he needed it most.  _I love you, hyung._ Daehyun sent to Himchan, the older man almost immediately replying he loved him and Youngjae too, so, so much.

“God, I hate this.” It felt like the millionth time they'd said it that night. The two finished their food and Daehyun admitted how happy he was to see Youngjae properly finish his food.

“I'm not a baby. You don't need to worry about me.” Youngjae said. He didn't mean for his words to have any kind of coldness and irritation to them but it came out that way. He opened his mouth to say sorry but Daehyun cut him off.

“I know but it doesn't mean I won't worry anyway.”

Youngjae stared at him, his heart aching so badly as he stared at his ex-boyfriend's handsome face. “I worry about you too.” He admitted. God, he just wanted to touch him, to be close with the one person who made him feel so safe. It was getting late but he wasn't ready to go home yet, he just needed to spend more time with Daehyun.

The pair thanked Daehyun's friend, both so appreciative to him and when they tried to pay, he laughed and told them under no circumstances would he let them. The two hesitantly started towards the door, only to stop as his friend called out to them.

“It's going to be okay.” He said, giving them both a kind smile. “Really. It's gonna be okay.” Youngjae had to blink back his tears and Daehyun gave a small thankful nod, before waving goodbye. The two hoped so, god, they hoped it would be.

They walked side by side to Daehyun's car, only separating from each other’s side to get into the car. “I guess... um, I can take you back home now...” He desperately wanted to stay with Youngjae.

“...Okay.” Youngjae breathed, the hesitance obvious in his voice. Still, Daehyun didn't say anything as he started the engine and began driving.  _Please, please, Youngjae, stay with me._ The older man thought, wanting so badly to vocalize his thoughts. “Daehyun.”

“Yes?” He answered, glancing at Youngjae.  _Please. Please._

“Can I just... stay with you?” His words were so quiet that Daehyun felt like he was straining to hear them.

Relief washed over Daehyun, nervousness replacing it.  _Just friends, we're just friends now._ He told himself. “I'd like that.”

_ Just friends.  _ Youngjae thought, staring at Daehyun's profile as the older focused on driving.  _We're just friends now._

\- - - - - - -

Youngjae followed behind Daehyun, the two walking in silence in the long hallway that led to Daehyun's apartment. It had been a while since he'd last been over to the older singer's place. Memories of the nights he'd shared with him flooded his mind and he pushed them away, scolding himself. They were over now. Just friends, just  _normal_ guys. Brothers. He almost laughed at that thought.  _Brothers. Right._ Daehyun keyed in the code to unlock his door, allowing Youngjae to go inside first. Daehyun's familiar, welcoming scent overwhelmed Youngjae and he felt like he was at home again.

Daehyun watched as Youngjae bent over to undo his shoes, staring at the younger man's back in silence. He'd missed this. “Youngjae.” He breathed and slowly the younger man straightened up, but he didn't turn around. His heart clenched painfully when he realized Youngjae's shoulders were shaking. Without any hesitation, he reached out and turned the younger singer towards him. “Youngjae.” He repeated, meeting Youngjae's crying eyes. The older man pulled him into a tight hug, kissing the side of his head.

“I'm so scared.” Youngjae admitted, returning the hug, his hands gripping tightly onto Daehyun's shirt.

“Me too.” Daehyun murmured, pulling Youngjae as close as he possibly could. There was comfort in being so close, holding him. He didn't want to let go, he never wanted to let go of Youngjae. How many times had this happened before? How many times had they promised they were over, that it was time to move on and just live what society called a normal life? But, this time everything felt so much heavier.  _Do I pull away?_ Daehyun wondered.  _Do you want me to?_

Youngjae pulled back, just enough to look him in the face. “I love you.” He said before leaning in and placing a quick kiss against Daehyun's lips. They knew they shouldn't, they knew now more than ever it was time to move on. But, god, they just wanted – no, they needed each other. “I love you so fucking much.”

“I love you.” Daehyun echoed back, kissing Youngjae. They rested their foreheads together, their eyes shutting as they held each other. Would it ever really be over between them? Or would they always, somehow, some way just... find themselves back in each others embrace?  _How can I ever move on from you?_  The older man thought as Youngjae kissed him again.  _I can't._ He admitted to himself, taking over the kiss and deepening it.

Youngjae felt tears rolling down his cheeks but he couldn't stop crying. It felt so good to be kissing Daehyun again, to have the one he loved the most love him back. He wanted more, he needed more, so desperately to be one with his lover. They pulled away from each other, staring at each other to make sure they were both thinking the same thing.

_ Do you want me like I want you? _

Daehyun reached out and grabbed Youngjae's hand, gently pulling him towards his bed. Their kisses and touches turned from gentle to frantic, both so desperate just to be with the other. They undressed each other, falling onto the bed together.  _I feel so safe with you._ Youngjae thought as Daehyun kissed his way down his body.  _I wish it wasn't wrong, I wish things were different._ Daehyun reached inside his bedside table, grabbing something out of it before focusing back on Youngjae.

The younger singer’s eyes closed as Daehyun moved between his legs, letting out a soft moan when Daehyun entered his body. “Daehyun.” He breathed. It'd been a while. 

“You okay?”

“Yeah.” He answered, wrapping his legs around the older singer's waist. “I love you.” He said, pulling the older man down for a kiss. Daehyun kissed him, distracting him from the minor pain he felt. Slowly, he started moving his hips, gentle and so, so loving. They wanted this to last.

_ I just want to be with you forever.  _ They both thought, staring into each other’s loving eyes.

\- - - - - - -

Daehyun held Youngjae, stroking his ex-boyfriend's soft hair as they enjoyed their afterglow. Neither said much, just content to be in each other’s embrace. Their minds were both racing with thoughts and questions but neither were willing to ruin the peace they currently had. “I love you.” Daehyun eyes shut as Youngjae rested his palm against his cheek. “So much.”

“I love you.” Youngjae repeated, leaning forward and kissing Daehyun's plump lips. “So much.” Silence filled the room again, their eyes closed. “Daehyun?”

“Hmm?”

Youngjae swallowed hard. “Sometimes, I think... I just... what if we'd never become singers?” Daehyun interlaced their fingers, pulling their hands to his own chest. “Do you think life would have been easier for us? Do you think, somehow, someway, maybe we would have all met?”

“I don't know.” Daehyun admitted. “It's hard... everything is hard but... I don't think I will ever regret being a part of the team. It hurts right now, it hurts a lot... but, it's always been worth it, right?”

“Yeah.” Youngjae agreed, and he truly meant it. “I just wish things weren't so fucking hard. I just wish  _everything_ wasn't so hard. It's not fair.”

“I know.” Daehyun held his hand tighter. “Youngjae, I know we always promise this but... can you just promise me, right here, right now-” He paused, meeting eyes with the younger singer. “That all of us, all six of us will always talk and just be... friends?”  _Friends._ “I can't imagine life without any of you...”

“We will.” Youngjae promised. “All of us. I promise we always will be together. Even if it's not as...” He couldn't get himself to say their team name. He couldn't get himself to call himself Daehyun's  _friend._ “Always.”

“Always.” Daehyun repeated.

Daehyun fell asleep first and Youngjae followed shortly after. It was the first time in a long time that they'd slept properly. There was a silent agreement – that tomorrow they would go back to being just  _friends._

But, tonight they were lovers again.

Just tonight.

It was back to brutal reality once the sun came up.


End file.
